MY HEART IS HEAVY

AAAAAHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS!!!!! Yesterday, after my family left for thanksgiving at around 11:15pm, I go on facebook to check to see if I had any messages. Then I see a picture of one of the prosecutors I consider my brother with a caption that reads "REST IN PEACE". I can't fuking believe it. Are you kidding me? NO....NO...NO LORD NOT ANOTHER ONE. IT CAN'T BE. But it was........ I went to his page and saw alot of his friends saying that they miss him and that they can't believe it.

I immediately called my coworker/friend to tell her..."I think Oscela passed away"....she said "oh my god...what?" I told her I was sorry for waking her up. He was only 33yrs old. Just started having things go great in his life. He had received an honor and everything.

When I got to work today, the 911 operator told me what had happened.....He collapsed. He asked his father to go get something from his car and when his father came back, he was on the floor. The ambulance and police came quickly, tried to revive him, but it was too late. They say it might have been a massive heart attach but we're not sure....We have to wait for the autopsy. When my supervisor's came in, I told them the news.....they were in shock....all of us started to cry and to think of it now is sooooo heart breaking.....I used to love making fun of his singing and dancing and at the fact that he doesn't really keep up with his haircuts. He was like my big brother.

I'm in such shock....The mayor closed the office today at 1pm...he knew we weren't right.....none of us could work. Now I have TWO funerals to go to....My heart is heavy. Someone wake me...this MUST be a bad dream.

A SAD DAY

Yesterday was one of the saddest days of my life. We lost one of our beloved judge's, Raymond A. McGrath.

I recently had a dream that my teeth were rotted and falling out and the last 3 times I had that dream, my mother's friend's husband, my boyfriend, and my cousin died. For me, that dream means death. So once I had that dream again, I forgot the next day. I was brushing my teeth getting ready to go to the gym then I remembered the dream. I started crying soooo much because I KNEW that someone close to me was going to pass away.

I warned EVERYONE I knew to be careful because that dream I have is serious. A few things happened since that dream....My mom's friend had a mild stroke, someone close to me may need to have surgery, and my blood pressure was high ( it could also mean that I'm neglecting my health). But when I heard that Judge McGrath was in the hospital for pneumonia, I started getting this very STRONG feeling that it's him my dream was meant for. Then I heard he was getting better so then I thought...."maybe it's not him". He was expected to be back to work this week but then we heard that he took a turn for the worse. My supervisor got a call yesterday from one of our other judge's. When she got off the phone, she started crying. In my heart I KNEW it was Judge's McGrath. I, then, started telling my coworkers about my dream and that I have a strong feeling it was Judge McGrath. I was the only one who saw my supervisor crying so I asked everyone why is she crying? One of my coworkers told the assistant supervisor that the head supervisor was crying and she immediately said "I hope it's not Judge McGrath."

My two supervisor's went to the hospital to visit and we were all supposed to take turns visiting the hospital. I said to myself "he's gonna die before we get there". Then I get a phone call from one of the village judge's asking me about the arrangements for Judge McGrath. I said my supervisors went to the hospital to visit. She told me she heard that he passed five minutes ago. I started crying. I was in such shock. I then told my coworkers that the news was he passed but they weren't sure. So, a half hour later, one of my supervisors come in. She said they didn't get to see him because five minutes before they got there, he passed.

I sat at my desk fighting back tears all day. We LOVED Judge McGrath sooo much. He was a fun loving funny man with soooo much personality. He once said to one of my coworkers that he wasn't afraid to die and that he knew it was coming soon. He was often sick with heart problems or a cold but he was a strong willed man who always came out of it. We thought that this would be another time he would make it out....but sadly he didn't.

We miss you Judge McGrath.

VIRGIN

Hello out there. My name is Tamikah and I'm am a blog virgin (hence the white..you know pure like a virgin...you know?...you.....you don't get it do you? Then forget it. I'm not gonna explain it to you. Go ask your mommy). I decided to start this blog because I thought it would be something different. I'm new to this whole blogging thing so bare with me as I start getting the hang of it and knowing what to write.

SOME THINGS ABOUT ME: I'm 26 yrs old (going on 27 on December 24th....WOO HOO). Come from St. Vincent and the Grenadines.... VINCY MASSIVE STAND UP!!! I move to America in 1988 at the age of six with my mother, sister Donikah and uncle. I now live with my 3 sisters, Donikah, Syprina, and Safiya(Syprina and Safiya are twins born here), mother, Donna, grandmother, Iris and uncle, Carl, in New York. Have 2 sisters, Elizabeth and Victoria, (their twins too....funny huh?), a brother, Malcolm, living in Sweden and a brother, Juni (aka Ramon Jr.) living in St. Vincent. I work as a clerk at a court and am in school, currently, part time earning my Associates Degree in Liberal Arts hoping to go on to my BA in Speech Pathology and Audiology.

Now, down to business.....I have a profile on this website called blackplanet.com. for which I have been a member since October of 2000. What I don't understand with these men who view my page is why the hell don't they read? Or do they read but chose to ignore the fact that I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I mean what's so friggin hard to understand. It's in plain english alone on the page.....WTF.

They send me all sort of messages like "hey miss...I wanna get to know u" or "yo sexy holla at me".... I don't wanna be mean but I think I just might have to be. I feel like saying "DO U FCKN READ? I HAVE A BF. I'M INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE FOR OVER 3 YEARS NOW. ARE U RETARDED? I'M NOT GONNA "HOLLA" AT YOU!" But I'm not gonna say that cuz I'm a mature, intelligent, almost 30 yr old. But let one of those MOFO'S take shit too far then they'll really see the vincy in me come out!!!!

Well...that's all I gotta say about that (FOREST GUMP....GREAT MOVIE)

So until next time :)... PEACE SON!!!